In making this profile, I made sure my creation touched on every major facet of being truly horrible: mean, spoiled, lazy, racist, manipulative, and willfully ignorant, and I threw in a little gold digging just for funzies. I maintain that there is not a human on this planet who would read this profile and think, “Yes, I’d like to spend any amount of the fleeting time I’m given on my journey around the sun getting to know this person.” This profile is my magnum opus; it will be engraved on my tombstone. Look on my works, ye mighty, and despair:.
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